Most of you have already heard about Soho Karen. The WOMAN who attacked a CHILD over her “missing” iPhone, which he did not take. The film of the attack is gross enough. She attacked a 14-year-old, but it doesn’t end there.
I’ll be the first to admit, I’m biased as I watch this. My now ex brother in-law, Anthony Fasano, physically attacked me in 2019. Shortly I will undergo my SECOND hip surgery because of those injuries.
Now mind you, at the time, I was under doctor care and in physical therapy. Heck, my surgery may have even been scheduled. I don’t know even know what pictures they “have” because I don’t communicate with them, they simply found pictures of me, I assume off my nephew’s Facebook page, though I could have that wrong.
It’s ridiculous. Part of me feels like I should never address their lies. But, this interview reminded me of how insane it is. What level of “defense” people will go to instead of owning their own mistakes. I see and hear the terms gaslighting and narcissistic personality being thrown around a lot these days. And when you watch this interview what amazed me is how subtle it can be. Not in tone. This interview is gross. But in the words. How subtle the words are to cast doubt.
Here’s what stood out to me:
Around 57 seconds, she starts to attempt to discredit the victim. It’s been widely reported that the phone was returned to the hotel as she’d left it in her Uber, but in her re-telling without saying her victim stole it she tries to cast doubt. She tells the story as if the hotel “magically” found it. She even says,” Maybe, it wasn’t him, but at the same time…” This one, not only suggests that he did steal it, but also insinuates that even if it wasn’t him, she was justified in her attack. It’s gross. Yet, seems to be a common defensive tactic used against victims.
Around 1:22: She also suggests that it wasn’t that big of a deal and didn’t bother her victim that much because the son and dad was eating breakfast after it happened. It again, downplays what she did to them. And it suggests that you can understand someone’s pain and suffering, from one moment of their life, doing something as basic as eating.
Around: 3:40 – Her lawyer gives the excuses as to why she was in a frame of mind that led her to attack a 14 year old child. Even if we can overlook, he’s a child (which I personally cannot), it’s hard to me to accept that the thought of losing your phone, contacts, etc. is enough to attack anyone. There’s two parts to this that stands out to me. One, as a society, we are fascinated with trying to rationalize why people commit violence. I wrote about my experience here, because even my doctors constantly asked why Anthony Fasano attacked me. And two, the excuses! Enough with them. Own it. Anthony Fasano’s excuses have ranged from alcohol, though he says he’s not a traditional alcoholic, to being diagnosed ADHD, to being misdiagnosed as ADHD, to drinking too much caffeine. Yes, too much caffeine. You read that right. Those are not excuses for violence. Those do not make it “okay”.
Around 4:22: She claims she’s traumatized. Gross. I don’t have much to say about it other than gross.
Around 4:33: She says something like, “He’s 14, that’s what they’re claiming.” This one really irritates me. For some many reasons. It’s just a gross attempt at discrediting the victim over something that is easily proven. She attacked a 14 years old kid at the age of 22 and then claims to be just a kid at heart. On the surface, it’s just gross. But underneath. The way it’s done with ease. The way it’s done so subtly. It says so much about the tactics that are used with victims.
What scares me so much is that before 2019. I don’t know if I would have thought twice about this interview. I hope I would have still seen it as disgusting, but I was naively unaware about what a victim has to face. I know I only use my story. And some people believe I tell it to often. But the truth is, in working with Marsy’s law, in doing this blog, and other support groups, I have talked to and heard from so many other victims that have also experience attempts to discredit them. To make them feel as if the abuse they suffered wasn’t “that bad” or shouldn’t impact them “that much.” Or have been told that they “play the victim card”. At which I laugh. I am a victim. Look it up on Iowa Courts Online if you want to see the charges that my attacker, Anthony Fasano plead GUILTY to. I don’t have to “play” victim. I don’t think I would say I “earned” the right to say I am the victim. Though when I look at the scars on my thigh from surgery or I wake up in the middle of the night with pain, I certainly feel like I have the right to call myself a victim. And yes, I survived it. But this isn’t something that happened by “chance” it’s something that happened because a man chose to physically attack me. So yeah, I’m surviving, but I’m still a victim. And it’s because of the way that victims are discredited, silenced, and shut down that I will continue to speak. I just hope it changes how others see crime victims, because we need constitutional laws.
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